Alright peeps, this isn’t a guide on “how to dress,” this is a guide on “how not to dress” because I’m sure there are a lot of you out there who are lacking in the style department. Never fear, I’m here to help ease you out of “this is what I threw on because it was clean” to “I got mad style.” First, let’s go over a list of things I see a lot of men wear that they just shouldn’t, ever. Especially not all together.
1. Cargo Pants
You heard right. You’re not on a safari, you’re not camping, and you’re not Bear Grylls. I don’t care how comfortable or convenient these pants are, they are only acceptable in the above scenarios.
2. Witty T-Shirts That Show How Witty/Edgy You Are
No. Just no. You’re an adult. These t-shirts are just wrong, cliche, and make you look adolescent because you scream, “Look at how edgy I can be.” Puh-lease.
3. Gym Shoes Outside of the Gym
Those trainers that you sport around in because they’re comfortable or you don’t own anything else or you have them leftover from high school gym, get rid of them. Now. These are only acceptable when you’re doing something athletic or you need to run out of your house because it’s burning down.
Why is footwear so important fellas? Well, after your face and general physical appearance, it’s the first thing most ladies look at (if you’re not into ladies then just ignore this part because I can’t speak for non-ladies). It’s the harsh but real truth. I won’t even look at a guy twice if he’s got some ugly ass shoes on.
4. Different Coloured Cuffs
WTF? I was staring at images of dress shirts with different coloured cuffs and was just filling with rage. I get the concept behind this new fashion trend, it spices up the look and is something new. I was puzzled by my rage, but then I realized why. For this look to work you have to have your cuffs turned up, always, which is just disgusting. If you like to roll your sleeves up, you have to have it cuffed. If you wear your sleeves down, cuffed. I like the concept but not the execution because it looks tacky. I don’t care how much a shirt costs, this is tacky. Also, I hate striped button down dressy shirts. Just no. You may be thinking, “But what about a basic solid with the flashy cuffs?” Look at this. Still hideous.
5. Speaking of Tacky
Ed Hardy. Deep V-Neck on a guy. Aggressive dog motif. I don’t think I can describe my disdain accurately enough.
There. Now go purge your closets, save your money, and I’ll be back next week to help you dress yourself more appropriately. I’m telling you, dress better and you will start noticing the gaze of many admirers. Also, please feel free to post picture of outfits or questions about outfits and I’m more than happy to help out.